Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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