This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
