Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize