This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do vagina's smell?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
