You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
