why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
