TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
