...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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