I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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