i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
