Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
