Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
