I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
