Screwed.edu
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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