I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
