I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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