dude i'm inner monologue high
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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