just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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