remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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