I feel like abortions should bother me more
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
