I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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