At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just found puke in my bra..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
