The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How's work?
Spinning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
