He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
