i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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