she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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