maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
