Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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