She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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