he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
