so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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