NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Even my vagina gasped.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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