You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
