there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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