just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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