never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
