That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
