If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he puts the penis in happiness.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
