remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
