Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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