I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
