I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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