I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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