this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
