I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
