I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
