you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
