Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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