you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
