Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
