And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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