That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
