What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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