for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.