my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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