So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it