new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
