After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.