he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room