One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
