theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.