Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.