You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.