direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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