I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
