why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
