If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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