I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
