Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize