saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
