...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
