I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
