those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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