I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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