Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
