I'm pants shitting drunk right now
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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