Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
