She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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