Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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