if i can run in heels then i can drive
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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