Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My liver just broke up with me...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
