Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This baby is an asshole
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
