think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
