Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
