I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
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Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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