the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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