So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
