I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish i was in the wii world.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
