i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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