You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
