Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
