i can't believe i had my finger in that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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