i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
